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[1] Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving. [2] Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee. [3] Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband! [4]  I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile.  I tried - but they wanted cash. [5] A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms. [6] Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.  [7] Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later. [8] You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it. [9] Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.  [10] Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired. [11] Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway. [12] My wife and I always compromise. I adm...

Mukesh Ambani in his 27 storeyed House Mukeshbhai gets up from his bed room on 15th floor, takes a swim in the swimming pool on 17th floor, has breakfast on the 19th floor, dresses up for office on 14th floor, collects his files and office bag from his personal office on 21st floor, wishes Bye to Nitabhabhi on 16th floor, says 'See You' to his children on 13th floor, and goes down on 3rd floor to self drive his 2.5 Crore Mercedes to office, but than he finds out that he has forgotten the car keys upstairs. But on which floor? 15th, 17th,19th,14th,21st,16th or 13th ? He phones to all his servants, cooks,maids, secretaries, pool attendants, gym trainers, etc. on all the floors. There is a hectic search and lot of running about on all the floors, but the key is not traceable. Fed up, after half an hour, Mukeshbhai leaves in a chauffeur driven ordinary Ikon car. At 3.30 P.M. late in the afternoon it is discovered that 4 days back, a temporary replacement maid had wash...

At the 1994 Annual Awards dinner given for Forensic Science(AAFS), President Dr. Don Harper Mills astounded his audience with the legal complications of a bizarre death. Here is the story: On March 23, 1994 the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus and concluded that he died from  a shotgun wound to the head.  Mr. Opus had jumped from the top of a  10-storey building intending to commit suicide. He left a note to the effect indicating his despondency. As he fell past the ninth floor, his jump was interrupted by a shotgun blast passing through a window, which killed him instantly.  Neither the shooter nor the deceased was aware that a safety net had been installed just below the eighth floor level to protect some building workers and that Ronald Opus would not have been able to complete his suicide the way he  had planned. The room on the ninth floor, where the shotgun blast emanated, ...

Once upon a time, there was an amazing archer named Ekalavya who could shoot an arrow better than anyone could. But one day he got into some serious Guru Gadbad. Watch what happened... http://www.gurugadbad.com/

I was in a restaurant in Spencer Plaza, Chennai and found this advertisement. Didn’t quite understand what that “Contact” meant. Whom do we contact with these numbers?

On the morning of New Year’s Eve, while I was loafing on Main Street, I meet an old friend of mine. “Hi!” I say. “Hi,” he says, “where to?” “Aimless loitering,” I say, “And you?” “I’m going to work.” “Work? This early? I thought your shift starts in the evening, or late at night. You work at a call center don’t you?” “Not now. I quit. I’m on my own now.” “On your own? What do you do?” “LPO.” “LPO? What’s that?” “Life Process Outsourcing.” “Life Process Outsourcing? Never heard of it!” “You’ve heard of Business Process Outsourcing haven’t you?” “BPO? Outsourcing non-core business activities and functions.” “Precisely. LPO is similar to BPO. There it’s Business Processes which are outsourced, here it’s Life Processes.” “Life Processes? Outsourced?”  “Why don’t you come along with me? I’ll show you.” Soon we are in his office. It looks like a mini call center. A young attractive girl welcomes us. “Meet Rita, my Manager,” my friend says, and introduces us. Rita look...

486 - The average IQ needed to understand a PC. State-of-the-art - Any computer you can't afford. Obsolete - Any computer you own. Microsecond - The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete. Syntax Error - Walking into a computer store and saying, "Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object." Hard Drive - The sales technique employed by computer salesmen, esp. after a Syntax Error. Keyboard - The standard way to generate computer errors. Mouse - An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate. Floppy - The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer. Portable Computer - A device invented to force businessmen to work at home, on vacation, and on business trips. Disk Crash - A typical computer response to any critical deadline. Power User - Anyone who can format a disk from DOS. System Update - A quick method of crashing ALL of your software.

Once X asked Y, "What is the secret behind your happy married life?" Y said, "You should share responsibilities with due love and respect to each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems." X asked, "Can you explain?" Y said, "In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each other's decisions." Still not convinced, X asked Y "Give me some examples" Y said, "Smaller issues like which car we should buy, how much amount to save, when to visit home town, which Sofa, air conditioner, refrigerator to buy, monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not etc are decided by my wife. I just agree to it" X asked, "Then what is your role?" Y said, "My decisions are only for very big issues. Like whether America should attack Iraq, whether Britain should lift sanction over Zimbabwe, whether to widen African economy, w...

If you had purchased $1,000 of AIG stock a year ago, you would have been left with $42 now. With Lehman, you would have $6.60 left.  With Fannie or Freddie, you would have less than $5 left. But if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have had $214.

At Heathrow, a 300-foot long red carpet is stretched out to Air Force One and President Bush strides to a warm but dignified handshake from Queen Elizabeth II.... They ride in a silver 1934 Bentley limousine to the edge of central London where they board an open 17th century coach hitched to six magnificent white matching horses. They ride toward Buckingham Palace, each looking sideways and waving to the thousands of cheering Britons lining the streets, all is going well. But suddenly the right rear horse lets fly with the most horrendous, earth-rending, eye-smarting blast of gastronomic flatulence ever heard in the British Empire, including Bermuda, Tortola and the Falkland Islands. It shakes the coach. Uncomfortable, but under control, the two dignitaries of state do their best to ignore the whole incident, but then the Queen decides that's ridiculous. She turns to Mr. Bush and explains, "Mr. President, please accept my regrets. I'm sure you understand that there are som...

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off! MORAL : Life is...

MINDBLOWING: Tamil Star VIJAYAKANTH'S Dialogues in English   1) U can study and get any certificates. But u  cannot get ur death certificate   2) U may have AIRTEL or BSNL connection but when u sneeze u ll say HUTCH    3 ) U can bcome an engineer if u study in engineering college. U cannot bcom a president if u studies in Presidency College   4 ) U can expect a BUS from a BUS stop ..... u cannot expect a FULL from FULL stop   5) A mechanical engineer can bcom a mechanic but a software engineer cannot become a software   6 ) U can find tea in teacup. But cannot find world in world cup    7) U can find keys in Keyboard but u cannot find mother in motherboard.

A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. 'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.' 'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.' A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?' Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation. The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because: 1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic; 2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else; 3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and 4. As soon as you ma...

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. "Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing..." 2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: "He's very rich. "Marry him." -That's Advertising..." 3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me" - That's Telemarketing..." 4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car)"Marry Me?" - That's Public Relations..." 5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says:"You are very rich! "Can you marry ! me?" - That's Brand Recognition... 6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You ...

An ingenious example of speech and politics occurred recently in the United Nations Assembly that made the world community smile. A representative from India began: 'Before beginning my talk I want to tell you something about Rishi Kashyap of Kashmir, after whom Kashmir is named. When Rishi Kashyap struck a rock and it brought forth water, he thought,'What a good opportunity to have a bath.' He took off his clothes, put them aside on the rock and  entered the water. When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished. A Pakistani had stolen them.  The Pakistani representative jumped up furiously and in support of Pakistan, he shouted, 'What are you talking about? The Pakistanis weren't there then.' The Indian representative smiled and said, 'And now that we have made that clear, I will begin my speech saying that Kashmir has been an integral part of India all along.'

A Sardarji comes up to the Pakistan border on his bike. He's got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard Iqbal stops him and says, what's in the bags?' 'Sand,' answered the Sardarji. Iqbal says, 'We'll just see about that. Get off the bike. Iqbal's guard takes the bags and rips them apart; empty them out and find nothing in them but sand. He detains the Sardarji overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. Iqbal releases the Sardarji, puts the sand into new bags, heaves them on to the Sardarji's shoulders, and lets him cross the border. A week later, the same thing happens. Iqbal asks, 'What have you got? 'Sand,' says the Sardarji. Iqbal does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to the Sardarji, and crosses the border on his bike. This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years. Finally, the Sardar ...

Four Catholic women were having coffee. The first Catholic woman tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'". The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'". The third Catholic lady says, "My son is a cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'". Since the fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence, the first three women give her this subtle "Well...?" So she replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6' 2 " hard-bodied stripper. When he walks into a room, people say, 'Oh, my God....' ".

Equation 1 Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy Donkey = eat + sleep Therefore, Human = Donkey + work + enjoy Therefore, Human - enjoy = Donkey + work In other words, Human that don't know enjoy = Donkey that work ============ ========= ========= ========= ========= === Equation 2 Men = eat + sleep + earn money Donkeys = eat + sleep Therefore, Men = Donkeys + earn money Therefore, Men - earn money = Donkeys In other words, Men that don't earn money = Donkeys ============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==== Equation 3 Women = eat + sleep + spend Donkeys = eat + sleep Therefore, Women = Donkeys + spend Therefore, Women - spend = Donkeys In other words, Women that don't spend = Donkeys ============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ===== To Conclude: From Equation 2 and Equation 3 Men that don't earn money = Women that don't spend. So, Men earn money not to let women become Donkeys! (Postulate 1) And, Women spend not to let men become Donkeys! (Postulate ...